“When I discovered my asshole was bleeding I ran to the hospital on all fours. This isn't my usual form of motion, but last night has pulverized any bipedal sensibilities. Why can't I grow up and stop playing rough with myself? Drinking doesn't help. Or Does it? My real friends are imaginary, but that doesn't stop me from pouring us all a round or two when the buzzer goes off on our favorite game show. At the hospital I am asked to fill out a few forms. This should be easy and I'm proud to explain on line 9c. that my arthritis did not keep me from running here like a dog.”
![Man Smiling After Dramatic Episode](https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/697bf7fa3ec891017afadc13/82e2a428-667e-41d1-aa0b-5bf4a2b271ca/darren+m..png?content-type=image%2Fpng?content-type=image%2Fpng")
Darren M., 50, still has no regrets
Darren M. of Seattle’s established Citizens Club talks about his latest experience at the South District Hospital. Hospital staff declined to comment on the exact nature of the incident, but did confirm that Darren was encouraged to pursue safer hobbies, clearer boundaries, and—when possible—walking upright in both posture and decision-making.