It was a bold display of automotive ingenuity—or sheer desperation—as a local lesbian named Mandy "Gearhead" Yakamoto has taken the art of car repair to uncharted territory. Eyewitnesses reported seeing Yakamoto, 24, drop to her knees beside her sputtering 1998 Volkswagen Jetta on I-5 Friday evening and begin vigorously licking the engine block, muttering, "C'mon, baby, feel the love."
The incident unfolded when Yakamoto's beater—affectionately nicknamed "Rustina"—exhaled its final puff of smoke and seize up like a vegan at a butcher shop. Honking horns tooted and the gathering crowd filmed on their phones as Yakamoto popped the hood, assessed the situation with the confidence of an F1 mechanic, and went full oral.
"I read online that electrolytes in saliva can conduct electricity," Yakamoto explained later from the AAA tow truck, wiping grease from her...chin. "Plus, lesbians are great at fixing things with our mouths—it's basically a superpower. Worked on my ex's ego once." Sources close to the scene confirm she applied a full-spectrum tongue treatment: long, methodical laps along the battery terminals, quick flicks at the spark plugs, and a deep-probe swirl around the alternator for good measure.
The public is divided. Dr. Evelyn T, a mechanical engineer at the University of Washington, called it "scientifically bankrupt but thematically on-brand." "Saliva's 99% water with some enzymes—it's not WD-40. But hey, if prayer fixed cars, we'd all be licking 'em." Meanwhile, Volkswagen spokesperson Hans Müller issued a statement: "We do not endorse licking as a maintenance strategy. Please use actual tools. Or buy a Tesla."
The stunt has already gone viral, racking up 2.7 million views under #LickTheFix. A rival Ford owner sneered, "Try that on a real man's truck." Yakamoto, now back home with Rustina in the shop (diagnosis: "everything"), plans her next move. "If this doesn't work, I'm escalating to a full-body oil change. Who's with me?"
Local authorities have ruled it a non-crime, though WSDOT is considering a new highway sign: "No Licking Zone."